| Oh hai(: |
[Sep. 12th, 2010|05:49 pm] |
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Follow me =]
www.twitter.com/Victoria_Vile
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2009|02:35 am] |
I HATE:
GOD &
THE GOVERNMENT.
failfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailllllll
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| Well hello there redundancy! |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|09:26 pm] |
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I AM SOOOOOOO SICK OF..... Everyone being god damn pot heads! Seriously, all my "friends"( too pissed to even call them that right now. I don't see anyone i really call a friend anymore cause they all live far way...) All anyone does is get fucked up. They can't even do "cool" drugs they fucking do percs, smoke weed and some of them even robo tripp. Jesus if you're going to be fucked up all the time might as well do something worth the damn money! And of course drink drink drink and act like whores. I just love partying all the time and having sex with random dirty people i don't give a fuck about! I'm just SO BORED..you could never beleive. I'm at the point where i have more fun by myself than partying with a bunch of losers who think they're the shit. Personality? What's that? I don't expierience that very often, just a bunch of mindless zombies. It makes me really sad actually. I used to have so much fun in my life and it was all cut short at the tender age of 19. COOL! Anyways i got occupied with my cell phone and forgot what else i was going to say |
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| Wow..i can't beleive |
[Oct. 21st, 2009|10:18 pm] |
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That I've posted some of the stuff that I've written on this site. To the public, my deepest, darkest thoughts & feelings for any random person in the world to read. It's nut's when i think about it. Looking back at all the pain and everything I probably seem weak and just plain old sad. I'm not ALWAYS miserable..i just only feel the need to write when I'm having negative thoughts, i guess it helps me sort out everything. Plus when I am happy, I'm too busy smiling and laughing to even write about it. Maybe i should start. Or maybe just delete this whole page. Idk Keep it for memories? (even if they're mainly bad) OR just click delete? Guess we'll see.
Oh and man i totally used to love browsing through the communities..i love punkmart. I'm actually going to see what's going on over there right now! =]
xox |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2009|07:31 pm] |
What do you do when you love a junkie?
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| List of things i need to STOP |
[Sep. 7th, 2009|08:50 pm] |
Also things i need to start.
- Stop doing drugs. This is a hard one to do when it's all everyone around you does. I just think they're making things worse than better. And make me make dumb decisions..like going out in the middle of the night to some guys house who i naturally feel sketched out by. this brings me to my next statement.
- Stop hanging out with people that have feelings for me. I shouldn't hang out with them cause i've learned it gives them the idea that they may somehow have a chance. When they...don't. I know my feelings won't change and can not by any chance lead someone on. Plus it's scary. It's scary to hear someone tell you how they think about you and love you and want to kiss you when you feel the opposite. I can't keep being nice. Yea i'd love to be friends and hangout but not with these people. It'll be better off for them and i to just cut it out. So even though most my friends have had or still do have feelings for me if they don't understand it's never gonna happen it's beter to be alone then to fear for them trying to make some awkward move that leaves me feeling violated.
- Stop obbsessing over the way i look. It's not a big deal...plus i do need to stop attracting perverts. I want someone to like me for me and not give a shit if i don't look so great. And how can someone else do that if i can't even?
- Stop over reacting and over thinking stuff..
- Stop being paranoid. I can't keep making stories in my head of horrible things happening and getting mad at others cause of what i THINK i know.
- Stop being so scared of trusting someone. I'm so frightend of being wrong. Of thinking someone's there for me and then finding out they didnt even care. Well even though that happens in life i can't let it hold me back from trying to trust and believe in someone. Life's full of disapointments but if i allow every let down make me just quit ...what would be the point of anything/?
- Stop spending all my money on stupid shit and start saving it.
- Stop fucking with my hair..don't ask..lol
- Start working whenever i can even if i don't feel like it.
Alright that's all i can think of right now. Lord knows there's so much more i'll prob add some later.
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| =[ |
[Sep. 2nd, 2009|07:43 pm] |
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So today i saw a boy, he was so adorable i couldn't believe my eyes. But it was one of those your in the parking i'm with my mom he's with his dad moments. We starred at each other then it was over. Every ounce of me wishes i had just had the balls to go up to him and say something..anything..even ask for his number. But that would have been too awkward and he probably wouldn't like me anyways.
I feel like no one likes me. Don't ever show it atleast. The only guys that like me are those guys that like anything with a vagina that actually will talk to them, so im like super exiting to them!
I'm truly alone. I try not to care, but i cry. I can't help it. I feel worthless, unwanted,ugly, alone and just never good enough.
Will i ever fucking find somebody? Why can't i have that? And i'm stupid. I always let my ex yo yo me around for like what..? Over a year now? It's ridiculous. I shouldnt let it happen. But i "love" him. He says he loves me, and will come have sex with me whenever he pleases but wont what so ever just be with me..for real. I want to give my love to someone else now. Someone who deserves it and appreciates me. I'm so damaged i don't believe anyone could find me beautiful and truly love me and commit to me. Seems like all guys want is sex & arm candy. I don't want to be used or played with. I'm a human with feelings not some brain washed idiot who's just "alright" with being abused. I've been single for two years now besides one small bull shit relationship that lasted a month. I'm just not that type of person who will go around at partys and fuck the first guy that looks my way. And i never will be. So yeah...when everyone around you's hooking up having fun...bragging about how they got laid all..these sex storys. And i'm just disgusted. And have nothing to say cause i'm not in that "club". I've had slip up's of course, but it was with people i tuly liked not just some random guy.
So yeah, nothings going my way these days. I miss being that 16/17 year old girl with the world in her hands. I felt so much could happen for me. Had great friends who were just like me. Now it's all gone. Everything has changed. Everyone has changed.
xlife.
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| Random me |
[Aug. 30th, 2009|08:42 pm] |
My Favorite outfit consists of- Cut up band Tee
- Booty shorts
- Tube socks
- & bling.
lol so hot i know! Never fails..never fails...I really need a new camera! =[
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| Wake up call |
[Aug. 17th, 2009|09:52 am] |
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| MY "MUSIC" REVIEW |
[Jul. 20th, 2009|01:27 pm] |
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| [ | Current Music |
| | R.I.P | ] |
Well it's safe to say Music it's self is now dead.
After Warped tour's line up (including Jefree Star & Brokencyde!) and seeing music videos from bands such as "Care bears on fire" let me explain that one...the name doesn't explain how extremely terrible and fucking gay this band (if thats what you wanna call it) is. The image, the lyrics, the overall sound. WRONG.
Here's a checklist of what you need to be famous nowa day. READY?
[x]-Rich daddy & or relative.
[x]-Suck all the right peoples dicks.
[x]-have really bad style (it's ironic and kids love it)
[x]-keep those legs open.
You CAN NOT have
[ ]-meaningful lyrics
[ ]-Creativity
[ ]-instrumental skills
[ ]-stand for something
...talent. The lists could go on and on but i'm going to leave it at that.
And when we go to the depths of the UNDERGROUND SCENE trying to find an escape from the usual shityness. We find that theres nothing but bad hardcore bands trying to sound just like other bad HARDCORE bands...all while saying they have "their own style"! (WOMP WOMP)
That's it for now i got shit to do.
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| Best form of therapy? |
[Jul. 11th, 2009|06:31 pm] |
Well I like to crank up the music & HARDCORE DANCZZE! in my bedroom. Oh it's a blast and after knocking everything over in this clustered dump i call a room i completely forget about lifes problems xD
......Thennnn i go do a bunch of smack. There ya have it kids. |
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| Fuck this joint! |
[Jun. 5th, 2009|06:48 pm] |
CONGRATS! CONGRATS!
that's what you all should be saying. I'm finaly done with the asshole FOR GOOD.
I'm already feeling free and the relief of never having to be completely insulted and told i'm a worthless piece of shit with a bad personality who just needs to change everything that i am is quite satisfying.
In other good news I can finally see my good ol' buddy Joe who i've missed like mad. He said something about letting me come to Philly with him to meet a couple of PuNXX, which would be nice. Anddddddddd i'm pretty much sure i got a job. The guy flirted with me like crazy...asked me to fill out an application and turn it in asap..i did like an hour later and he took me in and interviewd me. He was really smiling and funny so it's looking good. I think i'm going to be better this time around. Sexy secretary coming your way ;]
I wonder if someone read this and knew exaclty what i was talking about...
Dear Announimous,
You look like lurch. You think you're gaining "muscle" but your were sadly mistaken..you gained pale chubby fat arms that make you like even more douche with your cut off shirts =[ (lay off the mickey d's and binge drinking)
& that spare tire you got under your shirt. Mmmmmm yummy. What girl wouldnt fawn over such a bod? lmfao
Pudge is a gilrs best friend after all. And yeah you're right you do have WEIRD nipples...and piercing them...not gonna change IT. DEAL WITH IT! that's the only adive you could ever give to me "deal with it" hah!
I never told you but your feet gross me out too..they're shaped so weird and ugh poor thing=/.
Originality...non existant. AN ego! Boy seems like anyone can have one of those nowa day. "i'm going to be an aid in a printing factory my whole life and my "hXc" band is going to be all the rage cause i said so! and and i got 16 year old groupies who agree with everthing i say so it gives me confidense, your rigght.What a miserable smelly mess. I'm a good actor to. I sure know how to fake it ;]
Selfish. Attention whore. fake. liar. loser. pervert. manipluative. nothing.
I could say something else but it'd just be too mean for your fragile feelings. If those are even real. sianora mate!
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| How can a douche bag mean so much to me? |
[May. 11th, 2009|12:37 am] |
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It's disgusting, i have lost touch with all reality for a while. Why am i so mean to myself?
Why do i constantly keep talking to a guy who even admitted that he's a piece of shit, selfish and only cares about himself?
I know this is all true yet cry'd and cry'd till i couldn't breath in front of him telling him i dont care & that he's all i want. Hmm..that make anysense?He told me he's no good for me. True. He said he was going to leave me alone cause he's apparently sick of hurting me and doesnt deserve my love. sounds like a line sense he quite frankly doesnt give a shit about me.
Calls or im's me after the weekend saying he miss's me and wants to see me and loves me. HA! yea just another booty call cause its so easy for him to pull my strings. Oh and of course i always give in. I am a strong woman and don't take shit from anyone, takes a bull shitter to know a bullshitter and baby! I'M A BULLSHITTER! I know how to manipulate and try to fuck with peoples heads just to make myself feel better..yeah that's who i used to be. Never get too close, string guys along making them think there's a possible future between us knowing i didnt want one and just had a blast fucking with peoples emotions cause it was fun and i was a stuck up my own ass jerk.
What happend? Why do i now let someone do those thing to me? Maybe it's karma \0.0/ *through my hands up*
Once i care so deeply about someone who's fake and selfish..i hold on to who he used to be hoping to see him again cause at one point i thought he was it, the one.
People change and turn into egotistical cunts. it just happens, just like pimples and and unwanted pregnancy.
I keep telling myself cut him off, i've blocked him just the other day..but noo i had to unblock him like the pussy i am, scared of him forgetting my existense since he is all i think about. right when i was prepared and ready to stop assosiating with him he called me and said those things and told me he is TRYING TO CHANGE. i think that it's all an act and knew it wouldnt last for long. never does.
Must be a blast for him! to play with my head when he knows how deeply i love and care about him. right now i think pretty lowly of him but thats not stoping him from being the world to me. I tryed to get him to hate me, i thought it worked...after i slept with his friend i thought he'd never talk to me again and i'd never hear those wrods "i love you" AGAIN...deep down of course he was all i wanted and i wanted nothing more than for him to say he needs me and loves me but after he turned me down and said he's moved on i snapped! and was ready to just make it so i couldnt fantisize about him changing his mind cause that wouldnt help me move on and let go at all. but he still eventually called me and we hung out and it was amazing he even asked me out again. then broke up with me. I guess he does hate me and just wants to toy me along to make me miserable cause i did something stupid that i regret now.
He only talks to me when he's at work, at like 3 in the mornnig when noone else is on to talk to so..im last resort..he doesnt hangout with me unless he really has nothing better to do....and he cant even make one day out of his life or weekend to just spend time with me..a girl who's always alone and he knows i love his company. Oh well. I need to toughen up.
I'm only 19..fuck LOVE! Fuck love. why do i need it anyways? I need to only care about myself and be a selfish cunt like everyone else. It's all the rage!
FUCK THIS SHIT.
END OF STORY.
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| Dating guys in bands... |
[Apr. 10th, 2009|09:10 pm] |
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FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!!!
i'm dating my ex again and he was treating me so good when we started talking he acted like he was going to be mature and treat me right this time around and i was okay with the fact that his band ment everything to him and that that's a main part of his life..but now he's showing his ass after one time hanging out with his friends and band, We were getting along and kissing and he wanted to be near me (& it felt so good,i felt like he was proud i was his..an amaing feeling) but one friend called him a pussy and was teasing us...ever since that he's been treating me like shit.
For instance i'm sitting here at home on the internet cause he told me we were going to hangout today then decided to bail on me and not even tell me, i end up getting a hold of him at 10 at night and he's busy and completely forgot about my existense.
It's not okay for me to hang out with the few friends i have and drink a few beers but it's okay for him to go ALL OVER the place, go to DC spend the night at a little 16 year olds house and never come home untill he has to work.
Basically all i get from him is him coming over at 7 in the morning when i'm tired and sleeping..him being awake and talking about w/e, has sex with me then pass's the fuck out once i get awake! so i don't get to have fun days out when he's off of work and spend good time together with my own boyfriend cause he just..rather not.
I don't ask for much at all i just don't want to feel that he's ashamed of me or embarassed of me..i can't figure out why he basically ignores me while with his friends now..i guess it's "un cool" and not punk rock to treat the girl you apparently "love" good infront of people.
hmm..something isn't right? and i'm not happy.
AHHG i want to rip my hair out and punch a fucking wall
I feel like a fucking dog :'[ |
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| Just to display what a grade A. douche bag i am! |
[Apr. 6th, 2009|09:34 pm] |
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trait snapshot: craves attention, messy, open, rash, irritable, likes large parties, low self control, weird, fragile, does not like to be alone, emotionally sensitive, worrying, depressed, heart over mind, does not respect authority, dependent, not rule conscious, not good at saving money, more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits, likes to fit in, very social, frequently second guesses self, phobic, suspicious, not careful, outgoing, vain, compassionate, aggressive, likes to make fun, hates to lose |
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| Qualitys I like in people & such. |
[Feb. 11th, 2009|10:53 am] |
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A little list i thought up
actually i'm making it up as i go and it probably won't be so "little" since it is ME writing this after all =]- Sarcasm: People that can dish it and people who can take it. what i mean by this IS you can say funny, witty little sarcastic remarks that make me chuckle but can also receive it from me without getting all cry baby about it. I seem to have a problem with people not getting my sense of humor! I'm NOT A BITCH! if i joke with you it means i like you, weird? I don't think so...it's kinda a flirty thing, ya know like when girls in Elementary school would bully boys that they have crush's on? I was never like that as a shy little thing growing up so i guess i somehow swooped it up along the way and it's how i go about things. (yeah i'm alittle insecure...and i'll fry myself before anyone else gets a chance, i've never heard an insult from somebody that i haven't already said about myself) Don't like it? Then leave me alone and i won't bother you. This brings me on to my next topic
- Don't come to me, and i won't come to you. it's that simple! If i offend, annoy, make your eyes hurt, just piss you the fuck off in general then to hell with me. I don't come to people they come to me..so obviously if your talking to me you most likely started it and you can end it when ever you please. My feelings surely won't be hurt..not that-that would matter to you if you can't stand me.Ha..haha..ha!
- Blunt, straight to the point type o'dude. Yeah i like to know how you feel, and i like to state how i feel..isn't that what communication is all about anyways? I don't sugar coat shit and i don't expect you too either. (unless yer gonna eat it) If i have a personal problem with you i will tell you..if ya got one with me tell me why and we can work something out. Alot of people have gotten pissed at me and i hurt their feelings at the moment, but they thanked me after the pissyness wore off and were glad that atleast SOMEONE (me) Stood up and said what had to be said.It saves lives!
- ARE YOU DOWN? Oh man their's nothing i love more than a cunt that's down for everything and anything..and i'm not exadurating! Fuck fear, cops, rules..regulations (great i just sounded like a complete "anarchist" wannabe lol but w/e) People who are risk takers are the best people...i can't stand a mood killing chicken shit "Oh no guys, your gonna get in trouble!" REALLY? most likely not..but hey if your a paranoid pot head that likes to sit on your ass and imagine your having fun while watching movies, your choice buddy. I think being close to suicide multiple times has killed that part of my brain that thinks things out, i just do. Whatever will be will be. I sound ignorant. I'm not.
- Creativity; I love anything with art, if you create something, whether it be Music, clothes, drawings, writing, oh and expecally a handy man ;] If you can Make your own guitar by hand or build a shed, hell you've got something special kid =] People like you make the world a better place & you'll definately earn props from me. keep doing what ya do.
- Passion; Passioate people are strong and amazing people...stand for what you beleive (or don't beleive) don't let anyone tear you down, or tell ya you can't do something. FUCK THEM! what do they know? I'm a realist...& used to be a veryyy negative person. I used to just exept shit and say i couldnt do things. BUT i know i can...you got to keep trying. Fail. try again What's the point of being alive if you don't love something? & maybe one day someone will love you! (or already does ;)
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| Looking For Love? |
[Feb. 7th, 2009|06:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
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Why not do it On a television show!!!
It's like an epidemic, the "search for love" series that they spit at us one after another.
Hahaha
How pittyful can people get? They sure as hell know they arent going to find a person to love on a tv show.
And it's always B list celebs, One's hardly anyone know and who honestly aren't known for a reason since they are infact not worth a damn!
So B list "Celebs" and a bunch of skanky wannabe's all pretending their looking for "love" When in all reality their looking for FAME!
Fame and more fame with 100 spin off's from one shitty idea. People just eat it up man,
SO ANNOYING!
They definately have done a good job in proving that love is not real, half Americas breasts arent real..(lmfao sorry) ?, and people are after one fucking thing.
Thank you VH1 and MTV, fuck music! When we can exploit desperate low lifes and make a Mill!
And i love how right after, all the rejects go on a show called "i love money" haha that's what they truly love
Money and fame for doing absoloutly nothing but being a dumb as nails tool!
Prostitution is really in these days!
(=
So now that rant is over it's time for me to do what i do best and that is...
TALK ABOUT MYSELF!
& since i'm already on the issue of love (as cheesy as this sounds)
I personally regret ruining what i had cause it was real, hard to come across and plain old fucking amazing.
Everything i wanted in a person and duh duh duhh i took it for granted. God damn!
It feels like i'm missing a limb.
Nothing can compare to what i had with him, that's fer damn sure.
Good job Victoria, Your a real winner!
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| I'M THE BEST! |
[Jan. 16th, 2009|03:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  guilty | ] |
At making myself look like a complete piece of scum.
I keep fucking everything up...and i remember why
I am usually so conservative when it comes to sex.
Cause all it does is cause some sort of fucking problem and regrets.
I miss the old me..the me where there was nothing to hate...not a damn thing to hate.
But now i'm a twisted, messed up, Narcissistic cunt, who reacts instead of thinking things through thoroughly.
Tough fuckin luck!
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| Lost you to yourself |
[Dec. 30th, 2008|11:19 pm] |
Ya make a few friends, Screw a few bitches
and your Ego SKY ROCKETS to the top of the world!
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